Social Media Paralysis Update
It’s been a little over 2 months since moving on from “Branding Agency Owner.”
I think when you are leaving something, the common assumption is that you are going to be so energized for the “what’s next” that our American programming says is normal. After all, you can’t move on from something without moving into something else.
And to be totally honest, I feel paralyzed. Like, there are so many options of “what I could do” but in the same light, a fear of feeling just as trapped as I was if I say “yes” to any of them.
Disclaimer: This is the 3rd time I have written this blogpost [nobody will read] and still don’t know if I can hit “publish.”
I know that where I am standing right now is a testimony. I know that God is doing HUGE things in my life and His plans for me are more infinite than my stupid human brain can fathom… which is why, I think, He told me to start this blog. So that I can see my own changes in real time. So I can look back on the miracles of a finished work that [right now] feels messy and unwoven.
RIGHT NOW GOALS:
-To feel less “busy” and have more time to be bored. I feel like I am just filling every spare second with something (ie, I have already finished 9 books before the end of February), and I have been filling every second with “favors” or projects that feel like “work.”
-To create more ART for no reason. Ultimately I am an artist…God created me this way and I honestly sort of forgot how to access that part of myself. I knew that I wanted to return to my fine art roots and play more- so I purchased a new acrylic painting set and actually picked up a paintbrush for the first time last week! It felt really good, but the amount of time it took on one piece (that still doesn’t feel finished) stressed me out. I think that I have a lot of work to do on myself here. 15 years of rushing and studying efficiency methods have left me unable to slow down.
-To rediscover my “Personal Style” and who I am outside of the brand I have been associated with for so long. How do I dress? How do I wear my hair? What does it look like to “get ready" everyday? I seriously feel like I am having an identity crisis. Do I need all these blazers? Do I need any of them? I honestly don’t even know anymore. But I do know that this closet and the items I own, are creating a lot of unwanted chaos. I am knee deep in researching HOW to deal with this problem and a solution of a closet that fits my life and style NOW. I have been wearing my hair in a natural curly style, which I have always associated with being “less attractive” than when I wear it straight or with extensions. But is that even true? I also got a Color Analysis done the first of the year and I am a “True Spring”- I actually thought it would help me narrow down the closet chaos, but it sort of just gave me permission to buy more crap. Oye. Oh ya, and I am going to be 40 this year- how TF do I dress a 40 year old?
-Create functional spaces in my home. For so long I have put bandaids on bullet wounds because I have been “too busy” to create harmonious spaces in my home. Then I buy “things” that are quick fixes for problems but actually add to the chaos (ie: see previously, my CLOSET) But, I have noticed when I stay on top of the clutter and create homes for everything we have in places that make sense for the way we use those things- everyone is so much happier.
-Serve others. For so long I have been in “survival mode.” (Frankly: sort of selfish.) Although I think I have always been a pretty good friend, mom, wife, whatever- I haven’t really gone out of my way regularly to serve. This is still tough for me since putting it into practice- but I have been trying to make dinner for someone other than my family once a week, listen to the Holy Spirit when I get prompts to reach out, listen better and pray for people unapologetically, visit and check in on the family members I don’t live with… this might sounds sort of dumb to those of you who are better people than me, but this is actually a big deal for me. For so long, my mind has been so distracted and busy that I had a difficult time listening when people were talking to me. I thought I was alone in this but the more I speak to people, the more I realize that this is extremely common. We are no longer connecting.
-Live Slower. Our family word for this year is “freedom.” We want all of the decisions that we make to point in that direction. Freedom in how we live our life, savoring each other and the moments we are in, to stop rushing everywhere and be able to experience our life. We want to say “no” to things that feel like bondage and “yes” to things that align with where we want to be. I also decided to homeschool next year… (pray for me)
-Live Healthier. I have been paying a lot more attention to the quality of the foods I am eating. Of course, it is a PROCESS since the “convenient” foods I have kept me alive this long are packed full of all sorts of preservatives and crap that isn’t made to put in our bodies- and they are addictive, and EASY. I have been making an effort to make more things from scratch, fresh, with less ingredients. (I bought a stand mixer AND a food processor- and they are quite literally changing my life. Oh- and SHARP KNIVES. Guys- why have I been living like this for so long?) Also, natural healing modalities, restorative dentistry, and a more natural approach to aesthetics.
-Be Obedient to the Most High I am writing this last, but it is actually first. I want everything I do to be lead in the Holy Spirit. I know that it’s the reason that I am in the place that I am, that God has a different plan for my life. I know I am also being called to help others in their marriages and also helping people who have left the Mormon church (I am not sure how much I am comfortable sharing on a public platform just yet-but I would love to have a 1:1 discussion on the details of these topics if you reach out).
The more obedient I have been with His will for me, and the things he is showing me, the more blessings that have come out of it. So, although I feel vehemently repelled and paralyzed by all forms of social media at the moment- somehow, knowing nobody reads blogs makes it feel ok- maybe that’s why I was prompted to create this thing at all.
Bye for now! ✌️
Maybe I will show up more often and elaborate on these topics? If you happen to see any of these and would like me to talk more about what I have been finding out let me know and I would be happy to share!
